If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
My ATM looks so different sober.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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