I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
