You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
