Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
