I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
