Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
