I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
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