Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
