sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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