break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
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