I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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