He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
