Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
