Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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