I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
