So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
