Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
It's not a walk of shame if you run
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
