I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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