Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
