UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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