your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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