I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
