Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
