there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
