He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
