Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
