it's too hot outside to masturbate.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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