I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Randomize
