I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
