I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
