I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Your penis caused this!
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