So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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