how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
