ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
