I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Houston, we have a squirter
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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