Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
