this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
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