So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
