i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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