I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
