I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Yo dont text me then not text me
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
