So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
