I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
