just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
