her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
