brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
