I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
