You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
