she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
