watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
