Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
